![]() They may say they have tried telling their partner they are unhappy, but have they told their partner they are so unhappy that they have started cheating? A fake Dom avoids facing responsibility for their actions, and it will be very hard for a sub to trust a dom who lies or cheats. A real Dom is more concerned about giving than receiving though. It’s selfish, and many will justify it because they believe they’re not getting their needs met. If the dom is in a relationship already, and their partner doesn’t know they’re seeing someone else, this is a huge BDSM red flag. Lying or cheating are childish traits and not signs of someone with maturity and self-control. Lies, cheats, or has other bad dominant traits They can allow their sub to work, to handle the bills, etc., but it is the Dom who is the Supporter, through their approval, encouragement, assistance, and backing of their sub. In those cases, they are still in their dominant role. This is true even if the Dom makes less than their sub. Just remember that it is usually the Dom’s role to support the sub, not the other way around. (I’m not talking about ethical financial domination, which usually comes after a long history of trust.) Or they outright ask for money or expensive gifts for the sub to continue their “training” or prove their submission. For example, fake doms may really want to come visit, but need money for the plane ticket first. These are usually scammers or “catfish” types. A Dom needs to prove they can take care of one sub before they expect to take on another. They may say things like, “I’m not like other Doms, my needs are very high and I need more than one sub to fulfill them.”Ī sub should never feel pressured to go along with a polyamorous relationship. They may use the lifestyle as an excuse to sleep around. Unfortunately, many fake Doms put out there from the very beginning that they want more than one sub. Polyamory and other legitimate and ethical non-monogamous relationships are a lot of work, and should not be taken lightly. Pet names and honorifics should only be used when you’re in a relationship or both parties are comfortable with using them. ![]() So is a Dominant referring to themselves with honorifics like Daddy or Master and expecting the other person to use those terms too. Using pet names like Princess, Sweetie, or Kitten before they know the person isn’t just a red flag in BDSM, it’s hugely disrespectful. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been called “Princess” by guys I don’t know. A real Dom though, even a new Dom, will see this lifestyle as a huge responsibility and a lot of work on their part. They just assume they are Dom, because they like to control people and want someone to have sex with whenever they want.Ī lot of times they are also just basing their knowledge on what they’ve seen in porn, vs actual reality or through mentoring. It’s been my experience that a lot of fake Doms are overconfident newbies. I’m not saying that a good Dom can’t be new, but definitely exercise caution if someone has little or no experience in the lifestyle. Then they can be responsible for someone else. Put simply, a Dominant needs to have their life together and be responsible. However, they should be self-disciplined and successful in their own realm. Of course, they do not need to be a CEO of their own company or be a “Christian Grey”. After all, if they can not control their own life, they are not going to be able to control someone else’s. To me, this is the biggest indicator if a Dom is ready to have a sub. As always, all of my articles apply to both female Dommes and male submissives.įor a fast and easy assessment, take our Ultimate Fake Dom Quiz How To Spot A Fake Dom: 9 Warning Signs & BDSM Red Flags 1. So many of these points can correspond to them as well. I am also fully aware that there are a lot of bad subs out there too. However, just because a Dom has one of these characteristics doesn’t mean they are “bad” or a “fake dom”. ![]() It can help confirm your suspicions if your instincts are telling you something’s a red flag. DISCLAIMER: This article is just a guideline.
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